Dying Beautifully

2011-04-29T03:15:00.001+08:00

Walking, working, barely breathing My thoughts, far away Heart aching, mind racing Sleep does not come easily, nor last long....

2010-06-14T21:03:00.003+08:00

unlucky.
walk also can fall.
cross road also almost get knock down.
nausea, giddiness, vomit, diarrhea, fever.
hearing voices.
seeing things that aren't supposed to be there.
feeling things that aren't supposed to be there.
moodless, tired, weak, lost of weight.
strain on r/s.

I know, funny to that person. u know who u are. *clap clap.. mighty mighty.. but i tell you, if i offend you, u play with my life is enough le, you go and play my family for fuck! so power right? make me die lo~ may you feel the wrath of Karma soon. fker.

2010-02-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

"We made a death pact, and I have to accomplish my part of the deal. Please bury me next to my baby. Please bury me with my leather jacket, jeans and motorcycle boots. Goodbye. With love, Sid."

2010-01-31T00:20:00.002+08:00

If I die today, some people will cry for me
If I die today, some people will be glad I'm gone
If I die today, some people will not even know I existed
If I die today, All my possessions would be sold.
If I die today, There would be a lot of stories told.
If I die today, I'll be forever gone from this world, perhaps
If I die today, I might be reborn in a flower, perhaps
If I die today, I might find peace
If I die today, I'll will be proud of my accomplishments
If I die today, I'll feel guilty for my mistakes
If I die today, I'll regret some things
If I die today, I'll be glad some things are over
If I die today, I'll be dead tomorrow...

2010-01-27T00:38:00.004+08:00

Greetings!

Hi there~
See this? Saw that?
Now go whine to the whole world~
=D

2010-01-15T01:52:00.002+08:00

Running to the edge of the world

Warner, Brian Hugh

Remember when i took you up to the top of the hill? We had our knives drawn. They were as sharp as we were in love. If god crossed us we'd take all his drugs, burn his money and his house down, and wait for the fire to spread.

Sometimes hate is not enough to turn this all to ashes. Together as one against all others break all of their wings to make sure it crashes.

We're running to the edge of the world Running, running away We're running to the edge of the world I don't know if the world will end today

I had no choice, I erased the debt of our family, let you say goodbye with lips like dynamite. And everyone turned their backs because they knew when we held on tight to each other, we were something fatal, that fell into the wrong hands.

We don´t see death, we see destruction

See a new beginning rise behind the sun We can´t never catch up to them as fast as we run

2010-01-10T04:05:00.002+08:00

Woots~ Terrible weeks, horrible days and totally fucked up year. Goodbye 2009.

Alot had happened, alot of events with twisted endings.

I hope that person, enjoys his stay in loserville. Total population, You. Come on, your time had passed, so will you please stop living in the past? Please please please move on.. You're really indirectly disturbing your 'target'. Causing alot of distress to people. I know you're very 'On the ball', but you're on the wrong ball. Totally..

2009-12-25T19:18:00.005+08:00

What happened recently had been so important that i really have to blog it down to constantly remind myself.

Because of my idiotic and childish behavior, i cause grievous hurt to the one i loved the most. I always thought that i loved her so much that i will never ever cause any harm or let anything hurt her. But in the end, it was myself who hurt her the most without realising it myself. I deeply regretted for all the hurtful words and my nonsensical actions. I let my pride and temper get ahead of me. Please bear with me this post is too long.

I know that there is nothing i can do to take away all those pain from you and neither do i want to leave you. I loved you so much that i will never imagine what my life will be without you by my side. I am where i am standing today because of you, because of your supportive behavior, you kind words, your everything. You bring out the best in me and you made me a better person than before.

I am truly sorry that what ever happened had happened. And i regret that i have to let you be in such situation. Believe me that i will do whatever it takes just to ease your pain, even if its just a little.

We had gone through a lot to be at where we are today. Although there are happy times, i am ashamed to admit that there are also times we went through sufferings. But because of these events that takes place, it made our bond so much stronger. So strong that nothing can come in between, not even death itself. I remember all the good times as well as the bad times, the laughter as well as the tears. I remember how we hug each other and broke down because we were so helpless about the situation but nevertheless, we managed to overcome it. Just because we had each other by our side.

I have never been so sorry and upset before. I'm sorry, baby. I am sorry for all the sufferings, inconvenience and pains i had caused you. I am sorry if i had ever gave you the feelings that i took you for granted. But believe me, i will never allow such things to happen again for i am a lot wiser as i had managed to see things through. I will never allow my pride, temper and arrogant to get ahead of me anymore. I will always let you talk first before i jump to any conclusions. I will not decide what will be best for you, we will discuss what both of us think might be the best for you. I will learn to respect and and not make any irrational decisions anymore. I will be patient while i guide you. I definitely will learn to forgive and to forget. I will not shoot things off my mouth without thinking anymore and i will never ever put you down with my words. For i realised that all these while, i am the one who is much more wilful, stupid and childish than you are. I am only acting to be smarter and more mature than you are! Please accept my sincere apologies, and make any requests as you deem fit, for i am at your disposal.

I understand that both of us are super upset and down of because the current situation we're in. My love for you will never fade and you will always be the only one in my heart. You're always my princess and rest assured that i will treat you like one. I will try my very best, even till the last breath that happiness is within your grasp.

Baby, let's pick ourselves off the road, dust ourselves and continue our journey down the path, shall we?

2009-11-03T21:48:00.001+08:00

am i really so insignificant?

2009-06-22T05:29:00.001+08:00

Joke of the day. Too funny.

2009-06-01T23:24:00.002+08:00

Music Video: Man That You Fear by (Marilyn Manson)

The video might take some time to load up, But if you really got the time to spare, Let it load finish.. a very good and touching video.. I think that it is really important to have someone standing by you even the rest of the world is against you and want you dead.

ants are in the sugar
muscles atrophy
we're on the other side, the screen is us and we're t.v.
spread me open,
sticking to my pointy ribs
are all your infants in abortion cribs
I was born into this
everything turns to shit
the boy that you loved is the man that you fear
pray until your number,
asleep from all your pain,
your apple has been rotting
tomorrow's turned up dead
i have it all and i have no choice but to
i'll make everyone pay and you will see
you can kill yourself now
because you're dead in my mind
the boy that you loved is the monster you fear
peel off all those eyes, crawl into the dark,
you poisoned all your children to camouflage your scars
pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals
pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
(I am so tangled in my sins that I cannot escape)
pinch the head off, collapse me like a weed
someone had to go this far
I was born into this
everything turns to shit
the boy that you loved is the man that you fear
peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
you poisoned all your children to camouflage your scars
pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals
pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
the world in my hands, there's no one left to hear you scream
there's no one left for you
"when all of your wishes are granted, many of
your dreams will be destroyed.."

2009-05-24T00:59:00.003+08:00

Fear

Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of pain. Psychologists John B. Watson, Robert Plutchik, and Paul Ekman have suggested that fear is one of a small set of basic or innate emotions. This set also includes such emotions as joy, sadness, and anger. Fear should be distinguished from the related emotional state of anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.

Been reading up on laws, prosecutions, criminal acts etc etc recently. Knowing these things might serve me well one day. As for me, i was smiling in my heart that knowing everybody in my country is liable to be punished under the penal code. I even realise that threatening someone could get ur arse in prison. I was stunned that even online threatening could be arrested too.

Power... And fortunately, hiring a lawyer to sue someone, can be free in this country. Sigh~ maybe i should consult one too..

2009-05-23T02:38:00.003+08:00

The Better Of Two Evils

Hater call me bitch
Call me faggot, call me whitey
But i am something that you'll never be.

That's right. I am something that you will never be. Even if i am scarred, battered or even murdered, there will never be anyone like me.

Yea, though i have walked through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; For thou art with me;

What can be more fearsome than a man's determination? Body can be crushed, spirits can be bought down. But determination is something that will exist, even without a body.

U will never understand what it is like to be me. U will never understand how come all the sufferings will make one stronger. U will never understand that misery taught one the value of happiness. U will never understand that why they say love triumphs all while hate destroy all.

Hail Satan! Ave Satanas!

2009-05-21T19:19:00.002+08:00

Thoughts about "there is always a solution for everything"

When i heard people saying that "It's okay. There's always a solution for every problems." I wonder whether there is really a solution to every problems.
Look at cancer patients, AIDS patients, there might be medicines for them but solving the problems? Maybe in the near future but there is none right now. But some of them refuse to give up and carry on living, tough decision.
And finally, i come to a conclusion that there really IS a solution for everything. Death. Whether u end it yourself or it just smack right onto your head.
After you died, everything ends. Maybe you have people missing you or maybe not, but it's never your problem anymore. When you died, you are reduced to nothing. No more problems, no more tough decisions to make, no more headaches about what to eat, wear and who is going to clean up after the dog. After you died, your time stopped, the whole universe end.
Those who thinks that suicide is running away from problems, think again. Do you even realise how much courage it takes to end your own life? How painful it is to come to that decision? When they chose suicide, they also know that they will die alone and not with the whole family at his/ her bedside. There is a lot of different ways you can run away from problems, but choosing to end one's own life is never ever running away from problem. It solving them using an alternate solution.
There are always people whinning about "what about his parents, kids and wife/ husband? They are so upset about it. He throws everything back to them." Aren't you guys family? Shouldn't you help each other? Maybe his/her death lightens up the burden? And if the deceased really give a fuck, would they go kill themselves? Lolx~
Killing yourself ain't easy. The last resort to every problems..

2009-04-30T00:38:00.002+08:00

There is adult content in this blog.

Maybe you have noticed that i put up the warning stating that there are adult content in this blog and you have to be 18 to enter. This site was reviewed by a certain "company" and stated that i have adult content in this blog. So to be safe, i put up the notice.

2009-04-24T02:15:00.002+08:00

Inking is Addictive

I was thinking that i should post more random stuffs about my life instead of going on and on about ways of living. Lol~ After i hold the machine in my hand and start inking someone else. Got addicted to it immediately. The buzzing sound is enough to make me cum immediately.

2009-04-07T22:55:00.010+08:00

Zombie Outbreak

I think a lot of people had too much time on their hand, thus worrying about something that might not even happen.

This is so fking cool..... or maybe not......

2009-02-23T00:13:00.003+08:00

Pain And Pleasure

(This entry is to be read open-minded)

Bring out the leather, spike her up!

I had read somewhere that a normal human being has some sadism and masochism in them. A psycho-ed, true sadist or masochist is just someone who has tipped the balance. Just to prove that you, yourself had sadism and masochism in you, i shall provide a few questions for yourself to consider.

1. Do you like giving/receiving love-bites?

2. Do you like your partner to take it rough on you on bed a.k.a hardcore?

3. Do you like or enjoy being tickle or tickling somebody else?

4. Do you like to dominate or being dominated by your partner when on bed?

5. Do you enjoy inflicting pain on yourself? (popping a pimple is pain)

6. Tattoo?

7. Piercing?

There is no right or wrong answers. You are who you are. Being a sadist or masochist is not a sin, as long as you do not force yourself on unwilling partners.

BDSM is a complex acroynm derived from terms bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. And it was practised since 1769.

Sadism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification in the infliction of pain and humiliation upon another person.

Masochism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification from receiving of pain and humiliation.

I shall look into this interesting behaviour of human being more deeper. Pain and Pleasure, why not both?

2009-02-02T04:04:00.003+08:00

O-Jizo san, The Grateful Statues

ONCE upon a time an old man and an old woman were living in a country village in Japan. They were very poor and spent every day weaving big hats out of straw. Whenever they finished a number of hats, the old man would take them to the nearest town to sell them.

One day the old man said to the old woman: "New Year's is the day after tomorrow. How I wish we had some rice-cakes to eat on New Year's Day! Even one or two little cakes would be enough. Without some rice-cakes we can't even celebrate New Year's."

"Well, then," said the old woman, "After you've sold these hats, why don't you buy some rice-cakes and bring them back with you?"

So early the next morning the old man took the five new hats that they had made, and went to town to sell them. But after he got to town he was unable to sell a single hat. And to make things still worse, it began to snow very hard.

The old man was very sad as he began trudging wearily back toward his village. He was going along a lonesome mountain trail when he suddenly came upon a row of six stone statues of Jizo, the protector of children, all covered with snow.

"My, my! Now isn't this a pity," the old man said. "These are only stone statues of Jizo, but even so just think how cold they must be standing here in the snow."

"I know what I'll do!" the old man suddenly said to himself. "This will be just the thing." So he unfastened the five new hats from his back and began tying them, one by one, on the heads of the Jizo statues.

When he came to the last statue he suddenly realized that all the hats were gone. "Oh, my!" he said, "I don't have enough hats." But then he remembered his own hat. So he took it off his head and tied it on the head of the last Jizo. Then he went on his way home.

When he reached his house the old woman was waiting for him by the fire. She took one look at him and cried: "You must be frozen half to death. Quick! Come to the fire. What did you do with your hat?"

The old man shook the snow out of his hair and came to the fire. He told the old woman how he had given all the new hats, and even his own hat, to the six stone Jizo. He told her he was sorry that he hadn't been able to bring any rice-cakes.

"My! That was a very kind thing you did for the Jizo," said the old woman. She was very proud of the old man, and went on: "It's better to do a kind thing like that than to have all the rice-cakes in the world. We'll get along without any rice-cakes for New Year's."

By this time it was late at night, so the old man and woman went to bed. And just before dawn, while they were still asleep, a very wonderful thing happened. Suddenly there was the sound of voices in the distance, singing:

"A kind old man walking in the snow Gave all his hats to the stone Jizo. So we bring him gifts with a yo-heave-ho!"

The voices came nearer and nearer, and then you could hear the sound of footsteps on the snow.

The sounds came right up to the house where the old man and woman were sleeping. And then all at once there was a great noise, as though something had been put down just in front of the house.

The old couple jumped out of bed and ran to the front door. When they opened it, what do you suppose they found? Well, right there at the door someone had spread a straw mat, and arranged very neatly on the mat was one of the biggest and most beautiful and freshest rice-cakes the old people had ever seen.

"Whoever could have brought us such a wonderful gift?" they said, and looked about wonderingly.

They saw some tracks in the snow leading away from their house. The snow was all tinted with the colors of dawn, and there in the distance, walking over the snow, were the .six stone Jizo, still wearing the hats which the old man had given them.

The old man said: "It was the stone Jizo who brought this wonderful rice-cake to us."

The old woman said: "You did them a kind favor when you gave them your hats, so they brought this rice-cake to show their gratitude.

The old couple had a very wonderful New Year's Day celebration after all, because now they had this wonderful rice-cake to eat.

So be a nice boy/ girl, do good deeds. And you will be repaid in kind. =) A little japanese tale for you readers. Happy CNY.

Ave Satanas! Hail Satan!

2009-01-19T23:25:00.005+08:00

WORDS TO LIVE BY

I do not know whether you all heard this short story before. But i find it very meaningful and will like to share with you people the words of wisdom said by a fairly mistaken leader. For those who does not know who the fuck Cain is, he's the first son of Adam and Eve, who also killed his own brother Abel in his own hand. Very funny guy.

And as the night drew itself upon Cain and the Fallen Angel, Satan shared his philosophies with his disciple.

“Listen to these words, for they come from all the souls which comprise my being. The words are simple, yet they hold power. Abide by them and they shall serve thee well.”

And so Cain listened…

Do unto others as ye wish to do unto them. For this is thy right as a being of free will. Thou may treat thy neighbor good or ill, as per thy will. But remember this: He also is free to respond according to his will; and it would do thee well to temper thine action with judgment.

Thou shalt not kill out of anger, lust or evil. Yet to protect that which is important—self, family, liberty—kill swiftly and without mercy. If thou art not willing to do this, ye shall lose all that matters to thee.

Worry not of covetousness, for thoughts are free and difficult to rein. Work, rather, on restraint in thine actions.

Worship not idols, symbols, gods nor men. Worship only knowledge, freedom and thine own self.

A man may do all that he wishes to do. Yet it may not always be wise for him to do so.

Listen to the opinions of others and weigh their merits, for others may see options ye have not. Yet follow thine own heart for the final decision. If thou art not willing to do this, then take heed: Thou hast delivered thy destiny into the hands of strangers.

Truth is beauty, yet beauty is not truth. Knowledge is power, but power is not knowledge. Keep thy logic in its proper sequence.

Faith is the greatest force within this universe. With it, ye may do all that is possible, and even that which is not. Yet ye must channel this energy within thine own soul: keep faith in thy hopes, faith in thy dreams, faith in thyself.

Within thee lies the power of the gods. To gain it, strive for understanding: of the firmament, of thine earth, of others, and most importantly, of thyself.

Seek the philosophy within thy soul, for others cannot reveal it nor dictate it to thee. Neither god nor man may lead thee to thyself, for only the individual soul knows its own path.

No one may control thee or manipulate thee unless ye allow it to be. Thee and thee alone art thy destiny’s master.

Thy path in life must be thine own, let not others choose it for thee. If ye wish a chance at greatness, follow thine own path. If it should lead to misery, so be it. At least is it a misery of thine own choosing. And remember, ye may always try again.

Curse not others if thy life is disordered, for the choice of direction rests ultimately with thee. If ye must curse, then curse thine own self for allowing it. Yet this degradation serves no purpose. If thou art wrong, state it plainly, then work toward its correction.

He who liveth without purpose liveth without life. If thou art without goals, then ye shall accomplish nothing. Know what ye would like in life, then seek it out. It is that simple.

Death comes to all, bidden or unbidden. Accept this, then live as if it were untrue.

Thou shalt always have choices in life. But this does not guarantee that they shall be favorable choices, and, at times, the best ye may do is choose the lesser evil.

Nothing is impossible. Thy limits are without limit. However, if ye do not believe this, ye shall find thou art correct.

If thou findest an inequity, ye must correct it. If thou art witnesses to injustice, ye must not stand idle. If ye come upon pain, then give relief. For if the lot of Man is to improve, the seer must be the doer.

Judge and let thyself be judged. For it is thy right as a being of free will. Yet live a goodly life so that ye may judge fairly. And, should ye be falsely judged by others, it shall matter not.

Hear the instruction of thy mother and father, for experience was their teacher. Start with these teachings, then add thine own learning, and change that which must be changed.

If thou followest the philosophy of others and add nothing of thine own, then thou art no more than a beast of the field and have wasted thy soul.

Carry not the sins of thy father with thee, for thou art thine own person and accountable only for thine own actions—not the actions of thy father, thy brother, thy tribe or thy race.

Allow thy children to live, think and feel freely, for the mother and father know not all things.

Believe in thine own self, and serve no other, for others know nothing of what is best for thee. Yet do not shut out opposing philosophies, for at times their teachings may be clearer than thine own.

There is no sin. Do that which is right for thee, for only in this shall ye find happiness. Yet remember always: thine earth is a shared space.

Let morality guide thee, but not out of fear. Rather, follow it for thine own sake.

Trust thy judgment with all thy heart. If ye can do this thing, then, truly, ye shall not be forsaken.

Believe in thine own free will. Listen to its dictates and not to the dictates of others. In this and this alone shall true happiness be found.

Blessed is he who findeth wisdom and seeketh knowledge, for these are more precious than gold; and the gain thereof shall be the immortal universe itself.

Friends are precious; keep them near. But thy family is sacred. One may treat them ill, slander them and do them evil. Yet when thy need is greatest, they shall always be with thee.

History is not a fixed thing. Although the event may remain constant, the interpretation is ever fluid. And the interpretation is all: for a grown man will look back upon a childhood act and see his guilt, where earlier he saw only vindication. Change the mind and change the past—and with it, the present and future.

Be not the hedonist, seize not the day without an eye to the morrow. Yet enjoy the flesh, for it is thy legacy.

Thou hast within thee gifts without measure and powers beyond comprehension. Ye need but use them. Take pride in thy gifts, pride in thy power, and pride in thy accomplishments.

Seek not the praise of others and heed not their condemnation—for within thee and thee alone lies the power of self-fulfillment.

Thou art neither better nor worse than thy neighbor, no matter how much more righteous or evil he may be.

Hope maketh the heart stronger, where desire unfulfilled maketh the heart ill. Hope for fulfillment and work toward its achievement. And if thy goals go unmet, ye shall still find peace, for within the journey does the true goal lie.

Error and forgiveness are the traits of humanity, fear and condemnation the traits of gods. Strive to be human; strive not to be gods.

Subjugate thyself not to God nor man, for subjugation knows no honor. Why should the Father wish His children to kneel in fear before him? Better to die free than to live as sheep.

There are those who understand reason and those who understand violence. Reason is wasted on the violent man and violence is wasted on the reasonable man. If thou wishest one to hear thee, speak in his language or speak not at all.

Ye may speak truth or deception, according to thine own free will. But to thine own self, know the difference.

If a man wrongs thee, look to thyself to see why thou hast allowed the transgression. Learn from it, then seek vindication or reconciliation, as ye see fit.

Others may lead thee to temptation, but only by thine own hand can ye partake of it. If thou later seekest to lay blame, seek thyself.

In life, some have more and some have less. Yet what matter? Peace and happiness stem from within, not without.

Do what ye will with thy life. Give freely, love freely and expect nothing. In this shall ye find true happiness, and there will be no reason for disappointment.

If thou desires an action to come about then bring it about. Ye may fail, but, then, ye may not.

There is knowledge in all things, in all actions, in all places. Learn from all things. It may come from the mouth of a child as easily as from the wisest of men. Always listen, always learn: Knowledge is all around thee.

Knowledge is a painful thing, for it always bears a price. Accept the risk and pain, for life without risk or pain is not life.

Look not to the Lord God for direction; look not to Satan. Look, instead, to thine own self.

Live each day as if it were thy last day. Yet live it also as if it were not.

If thou wishest to die, then thou art dead already.

Thou art stronger than ye can ever know, search for the strength that wells within. It is there. It is waiting. And somewhere out there, someone needs you more than you can ever imagine.

Life and hope are one. Seek thy gifts and share them. It is for this reason that thou art truly here.

If thou wishest life in death, then ye must live in life.

That which ye can touch and hold and lose is of little importance. The greatest thing in life cannot be taken.

It comes to this: by design, the Race of Man is half man and half beast. Thou art not beings of reason, but, rather, beings capable of reason. There is much difference between the two. Exercise thy capabilities.

Thou art a being of free will. Ye may follow the instincts of the beast or the reason of the man. The choice has been forever yours. Yet know this: a life ruled by the beast shall lead thee to subjugation and destruction, for it is the beast that is in thrall to the Lord God.

For everything there is a time: a time to live, a time to die; a time for peace, a time for war; a time to create and a time to destroy. Learn to tell time.

The flesh is a vessel, a conduit to the immortal. If thou learnest from thy travels, the destination is assured.

It is in thy nature to take the familiar for granted. Strive against this. Question always, question often, in this shall ye keep what is most important. The price for thine immortal soul is constant vigilance.

Seek to understand the unknown. Expand thy thoughts and seek out knowledge, for in this shall ye become as One in death.

The answers to all things are always within thy grasp. Ye carry within thee all that is needed to comprehend the infinite. And it is waiting for thee to find it.

He who knows himself knows others, for a piece of ourselves dwells within every other.

If ye have not known hate, pain, greed and cowardice then thou hast not known love, pleasure, generosity and courage—for they are all degrees of the same ideal. Accept both the good and the bad within thee, for there is no separating the two. Without one, the other has no meaning.

Until life has given thee its worst, thou hast not been at thy best.

All has been brought to bear against thee. Thine instincts were bred into thee; thy laws created for they could not be kept. Question all, for this is the path to Oneness. Heed not the beliefs, laws and actions of others unless they suit thee. And be prepared to die for this.

Fear of the Lord is the end of Knowledge and of Reason, and these two pursuits are the keys that shall free thy soul. If ye sacrifice these philosophies, then ye shall cease to grow in spirit. And there shall be no life in death.

And so it ended, for it was enough. “Remember what has been said here,” Satan concluded. “For the salvation of the earth is contained within the simple words thou hast heard here this night.” And Satan said, “For one with no soul, Cain, ye art wiser than many. Take the life ye have been given and make it purposeful, regardless of what hast befallen thee. We are remembered for what we do and how we live: make yours a goodly remembrance.”

“I say again to thee, Cain, take what I have given thee this night. Thou art a tiller of soil: take the seeds of wisdom I have placed within thee, plant them, tend them, see that they take root.”

“Remember this always.”

“Yes, I see the truth in what Ye say, Teacher,” Cain replied. “And of all things, one must learn to recognize the truth.”

Ave Satanas! Hail Satan!

2009-01-12T18:54:00.003+08:00

The Hole That You Came Out From Could Be An Abomination That You Never Knew You Know.

I've always believed that all children, regardless of age, should deserved a happy childhood. A childhood without any pains or fear. Maybe it's my own wishful thinking, that all children in this world will/ can spend the most innocent, happiest time of their life like how a child should be. Without worries of getting any form of abuse or family violence.

While all those selfish, mentally unstable adults are adding to the silent sufferings of their children and family members. Many organisations and legal laws had been put up to protect them. I believe that its everybody responsibility to help them to regain confidences in their life. According to the legal definition in my country, cruelty to children or young persons involves acts of maltreatment by an adult, resulting in unnecessary suffering or injury to health or well-being of the victims.

There are several forms of abuse to children or acts of family violences.

Physical Abuse
This includes all behaviors that exert physical force or violent to injure, control or abuse a family member. Examples are slapping, kicking, burning, punching, spanking, choking, grabbing, pinching, scratching, wrestling, biting, restraining, pulling hair, throwing the person bodily,throwing things at the person and using any object or weapon against the person.

Threatening Behavior
This means any intimidating action or spoken threat to inflict hurt upon another through physical, emotional, psychological or sexual violence. It includes threatening coercion and demeaning exchanges that are terrorizing in nature. Examples are: Acting like you will punch, hit, kick, slap, use object or weapons, or anything else to hurt them such as throwing things(victim's belongings) and to make them do things the abuser wants. Verbal threats such as "Now you're going to get it" or "I am going to kill you" or "You see what i will do to you" if she leaves to escape the violence.

Emotional Abuse
This means damaging the other's feelings through name-calling and other hurtful language. Examples are" cursing, swearing, shaming and verbal put downs to denigrate the child or family member's self esteem, calling her "useless, worthless, a burden to the family, stupid" etc.

Psychological Abuse
After the first act of physical violence, all threat and emotional abuse become psychological abuse because the victim already feels scared and does not know when the violence will stop. This includes "mind game" intimidation and attacks aimed at creating fear and causing confusion in the victim. Examples are: repeated harassment, interrogations, criticisms, insults directed at the victim's family or friends. Limiting her use of the phone, seeing friends, leaving the house or room, stalking and checking on her every movement, following her around. Blaming her for every mistake the abuser makes, and forcing her into degrading acts such as eating faeces, forcing her to kneel and beg for forgiveness. Treating her like a servant, a sex object or someone with no rights, excluding her from major decisions, controlling her through the use of money or any other means. The abuser threatens to kill him/herself or engages in other dangerous or reckless situation such as reckless driving, excessive alcohol intake or inflicting injuries to own self to scare and intimidate her.

Sexual Abuse
This is any unwanted or disrespectful sexual touch. Any non-consenting sexual act or behavior, i.e. not fully agreed to by bother partners. Example are: Forcing sexual activity when she/ he says no or she/ he is too afraid to say no. Physical attacking parts of her/ his body and demanding or forcing to perform sexual behaviours she/ he does not want to. (e.g. "staged" fantasy rapes, anal intercourse or oral sex, etc.)

I am glad that the laws in my country protects children and practice people's right. But how many of the victims will stand up and ask for help? How many of them are willing to point a finger at their parents for their abusive behaviors? Please do not wait for tragic to happen, prevention is always better than cure. Please lend a helping hand to those in need.
For the abusers, one day everything will turn one big fucking round and slap you right in your face. Prepare to face the consequences for your actions.
I wrote this entry with a heavy feeling in my heart and my heart goes out to those who are suffering in silence. May Satan Be With You.

Ave Satanas! Hail Satan!

2008-12-22T18:52:00.005+08:00

Your Life Is Cheap, So Is Your God.

Greetings~ It has been quite some time since i last add anything new here. Wondering whether there are any readers left. Anyway, fuck it. Check these snapshots at a local Xtian shop.

That's freaking right! Your god on sale! Quite a bargain eh? 20% to 40% discounts for your "faith".

Ave Satanas! Hail Satan!

2008-11-29T20:19:00.002+08:00

Ending the World When World Domination is Impossible.

To watch the world end, is so simple. It only required a bullet. To your head.

2008-11-22T16:50:00.002+08:00

The Invaluable Darkness

Fear Tomorrow's Adversary
And the wealth of uprising
The final storm will be released
And the unmerciful will erect

Hidden from the eyes of your God
I will proclaim original sin
And have you all purged and purified
From the lies that remain within

Cleansed and draped in sulphur linen
Black and pure since the Beginning

Mercy is not truth
Your sins are next to mine
Mercy is not truth
All your sins are next to mine

My soul's ablaze
Inflamed with rage and isolated
In whirlwinds of hate
My soul's ablaze
Yet camouflaged in the haze

Why did He not see this coming
What did He not understand
One time forsaken
But forgotten I am not

I will win this war
But never the peace
I am my own free spirit

Hence I will not rest

Ave satanas! Hail Satan!

2008-11-09T12:51:00.004+08:00

Satan & Satanism

Recently, quite a number of people asked me alot of questions regarding my belief and often confused themselves with the different kinds of satanism practices due to ignorant and the attitude of "feed me rather than i pick up my own spoon"/ "point a finger at someone first".

There are several types of Satanic belief systems, just like Xtianity (Xtians, Catholics, Protestants, JW). The most common will be Philosophical Satanism, or Luciferian philosophy, wherein Satan is not believed to be actually exist, but is seen as a mascot for personal liberty. This is also commonly known as Modern Satanism.

The Church of Satan, which was found in 1966 by Dr. Anton LaVey, falls into this category. Satan is not viewed as a living entity, but as an ideal. In Philosophical Satanism, the emphasis is on individuation, personal growth and human potential. There are no pacts, sacrifices, or criminal behavior accepted or encouraged, although some do intentionally cultivate a "spooky" or intimidating image. Not all people who dressed freakish are Satanist.

Traditional, or Religious Satanism is less common. Religious Satanism does involve a belief in Satan as a deity(God), although not necessarily an evil or oppositional one. In fact, the majority viewed Satan as a Promethian or a Gnostic Deity- a liberator, or one who encourages mankind to rebel against it state of imprisonment. (imprisonment as in helplessness, guilt and feelings/ emotions which will make you weaker) Religious Satanist are no more or less moral or likely to commit crimes than other religious groups, and religious Satanists do not make sacrifices or practice "black magic". If a Xtian robbed a bank, will you point a finger at him and declared that you're the same as the Xtian robber? Most of the Xtian groups and people i known would not.

There is another group of "Satanists", who seek for much more attention than any others. They are the "Dabblers". Satanic Dabblers are usually among the disaffected members of the population (prisoners, troubled teens, mentally ill etc..) People who feel extremely powerless and have a need and desire to control or outrage others. They often commit minor crimes and very rarely larger ones. They may attempt to perform spells or curses against others, or even attempt on what they view as 'traditional' Satanic activities- sacrifices, making pacts, etc. Most of the Dabblers have no affiliation with any groups, or contact with other believers. Their beliefs/ practices are usually gleaned from books or even rumors. This is NOT an issue of genuine religious Satanism, but a symptom of anti-social tendencies, even a cry for help. Please consult a professional if you think that your teenager/ friends falls into this category.

I've summed up on the different categories of Satanism. There are even more different beliefs of Satanism out there, magickally oriented and non- magickally oriented.

To me, it does not really matter what religion you believed in. What really bothers me is that the people of certain religion points a finger at any Satanist and call them "Devil Worshippers" or "Devil" himself without really understanding whatever the Satanism is about. Recently, life for me has been on the "downside". Things are worsen, especially when religion is bought into private issues.

Do not judge people by their appearance, isn't that what you've learn when you're young? Forgotten all about it? What about your morals? Why bother going to a Xtian church every week even when yourself did not practise what they preach? Look at yourself, your dressing already opposed the original teaching of Xtianity. Fight on your own, stop pulling people into the fight and getting involved with all your petty acts. It is causing much more harm to people around you than you thought.

Ave Satanas! Hail Satan!

2008-11-07T00:17:00.003+08:00

The Path That I Chose to Walk on.

I will not have any second thoughts about the path that i chose to walk. Many people refer this as the "left- handed" path, but to me, it is the right path for me. I strictly stick to my beliefs and will not even think about turning away. When i chose this path, i know and understand that people will look at me in a different point of view, people will think that i am a misled teen seeking attention. But trust me on this, if i am starving for attention, i would do a hell lot more interesting things than to convert to Satanism.

For the benefits of those who does not know me well enough, i am a Satanist. But i do not participate in any rituals like you have in your imagination. I am satanic in my own way of living.

It would be very much more easier for me to ignore and walk away when confront by the "sheeps" of this society. But i chose not to. Why? Cause i do not want to let you "sheeps" have the thinking that every man out there, are being loved and guided by your "almighty" Lord. You may have that thinking but, not every person shares the same view as you do.

I, myself, do not have any problem with the man wearing nothing except for a piece of skimpy cloth on the cross. It is the people, who misinterpreted that man's words, that i have problems with. I will not, never! Be part of your herd and i will steer clear away from your "herd".

<> Remember, sheep generally does not like goats. Moreover, sheep tend to get blown off cliffs while dozily grazing at the edge, while the goats climb the mountain.

Ave Satanas! Hail Satan!

2008-11-06T21:32:00.002+08:00

Anger

I AM SO GOD DAMN ANGRY~! GOD FUCKING DAMN ANGRY! FREAKING FUCKING ANGRY! FUCK FUCKING FUCK~! FUCK! I got limited vocabs when i'm in anger. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I say "fuck!" 10 times in 1 sec! FUCK!

press ctrl + a

2008-11-02T02:58:00.002+08:00

Hotel 626

I was introduced to this website and i found that it is worthy enough to share with my readers. It's an online flash game, not your usual kind of cartoon play but it consist of alot of videos. Its a First Person Shooter game, control using your mouse. Use your webcam and microphone if u have. Follow instructions and survive.

And oh yea, the hotel only opens from 6pm to 6am. Click here to check in.

2008-10-29T00:17:00.005+08:00

Caveman

Caveman, in this entry, are referring to the early prehistoric humans. Their behaviors are mostly based on their instinct, which also means that they are not unlike any other animals. It could be a good and a bad thing. But there's is one thing that had kept me thinking, their religion. What does early man worshipped in the early days? Nature? Hmm~ think i'll do a little bit more research on this.

Oh yea~ in this civilised world today, year 2008, it is sad to know that there are still people whose actions are based on their instincts. These cavemen are very much alive around you. LOL~

2008-10-28T00:05:00.009+08:00

Physic Vampires

Recently, physic vampires had been popping out of nowhere around me. They might not be sucking the daylight out of me, but their targeted victim, most unfortunately, happens to be the one who i considered the closest, my girl, at the moment.

Please take note that i used the word physic, so i am not referring to "blood-sucking" vampires you see on the media. Physic vampires are actually people, living human beings, not much different from you.

People comes, people go. The world is changing everyday, the tides are ever flowing, nothing in this world will stop for you. Hey! Why should the earth stop spinning just for you? There is no point to be living in the past. Forget it~ Your life worth as much as the next guy standing next to you. You might think otherwise but at the end of the day, Mr. Grim Reaper will come knocking at your door.

It is very straight to the point that you will protect what is valuable to you, but~ wouldn't i do the same thing too? So, to those physic vampires that want me dead for preventing them "sucking" on my girl. Cutting my throat ain't going to give you anything, just like cutting your throat ain't going to get me anywhere. If jealousy is your prime subject for your anger, try look into the mirror and see how ugly you really are. If all else fails, take the hike, try jumping off the nearest building. ; )

2008-10-17T14:58:00.000+08:00

Check this out! That's me in the reflection!

2008-10-17T12:57:00.009+08:00

Thoughts That Are Blowing My Mind

When i was on my way to the polyclinic this morning, still very troubled by what has happened to me recently, thinking why events/ people/ places changes so fast. I summed up the whole thing and started to think, is it destiny? Am i fated to walk this path? To face all these obstacles? Who or what made me who i am today? Is it really "God's Will" as the Christian would say?

Then, another thought, came to me. The God, as the Christian worshipped to, and the Devil, Satan. What if there are no such thing~? What if, both the "God" and the "Devil" are the SAME?

As in, both of them are the same character all along~? This had been bothering me all the way at the clinic the whole time. I went back home, switch on the computer, get my arse online, and began to look for my answer.

Looking at the Christian's Bible, this is what i've researched and found. "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things." (Isaiah 45:7)

These 2 show either contradict themsleves or show that god and Satan are the same:

"AND Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel." (I Chronicles 21:1)

"AND again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah." (II Samuel 24:1)

Then there's this:

"I am the root and offspring of David, and the bright and morning star." (Revelation 22:16)

This verse presents the most shocking revelation in the entire Bible. On the very last page, it reveals Jesus as the "bright and morning star". In other words, Lucifer -> Satan! Lucifer is the fallen archangel who rebelled, who later on became the commonly known "Satan" in various religions, beliefs and stories.

So, i was enlightened and gain more knowledge for today.

Ave Satanas! Loves,

P.S. Can someone teach me how to make the paragraph look neater?

2008-10-16T22:16:00.002+08:00

SHIT HAPPENS

Doesn't it ever occur to you that when things are beautiful once again, something or someone will come along with a big club and tear down everything for you? What happened today had really left me to think, and to confirm that everything happens for a reason. It is only how you will stir yourself away from the problems or to counter it tactically. Sweet O' Jesus ain't gonna be at your ass the whole day. I'll remember what happened today. No way i will forget it. 3-Nine-9.

THE BOOK OF SATAN III

9. Give blow for blow, scorn for scorn, doom for doom - with compound interest liberally added thereunto! Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, aye four-fold, a hundred-fold! Make yourself a Terror to your adversary, and when he goeth his way, he will possess much additional wisdom to ruminate over. Thus shall you make yourself respected in all the walks of life, and your spirit - your immortal spirit - shall live, not in an intangible paradise, but in the brains and sinews of those whose respect you have

gained.

Remember.

2008-10-13T01:34:00.004+08:00

Dark Bible

I was surfing the web for sites that might feed me more knowledge and most interestingly, i found a site putting up a dark side of the bible. Try searching "Dark Bible" on google and you will see it for yourself. How contradicting the bible that you have on your bedside is. Here are some of the interesting pornography that you might find in your beloved bible.

David Uncovers Himself

"And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet. And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart." (II Samuel 6:14-16)

"Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel today, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!"(II Samuel 6:20)

Comment

Imagine King David dancing and leaping with all his might while uncovering himself to the crowd.

David's wife, in effect, says, "Well, you certainly made an ass of yourself at the temple today leaping and dancing about like an idiot and exposing yourself."

Note: An "ephod" describes an embroidered robe that looks similar to a woman's dress.

Fatal Orgasm

"And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also." (Genesis 38:7-10)

Comment

The term "onanism," from the name Onan, has come to stand for masturbation which has suffered a fate similar to sodomy in the sense that it has evolved to have a meaning far different from its original usage.

Dictionaries define onanism as "male masturbation" or "Uncompleted coitus." According to interpretations of the Bible, Onan removed his penis from his partner's vagina before he ejaculated so that his seed fell onto the ground. This displeased God so much that he killed him! Onanism has also received a another definition of "self pollution" which has caused misery throughout the centuries. God killed Onan because, rather than to impregnate his brother's wife-- thus extending his line, Onan chose to interrupt his coitus before he could impregnate Tamar. Onan had a logical reason for doing so, one that involved Jewish law of those ancient days. During Biblical times, any child born to the wife of the eldest son died without heirs - and if his wife had no children sired by a relative of her dead spouse - then the dominance would pass to the second son. Onan stood to lose a great deal if he complied with his father's order. Had he been asked to marry his brother's wife, thus transferring her to his possession, he no doubt would have completed the act. Then the resultant child would have been his, legally as well as physically.

Some time during the centuries, the character of the sinful act was changed. Instead of being recognized as a seldom performed interrupting of coitus, it became accepted as any form of self-stimulation that resulted in orgasm, and the entire character of the deed became altered. Onanism came to mean a sinful act of masturbation! This has resulted in a general bad impression of masturbation even in secular beliefs. For example many a parent has told his son not to masturbate for fear of going blind. [I masturbated only until I needed glasses, Ed.]

There are alot more dark sides of the bible including Go read it up!

Ave Satanas!

Loves,

2008-10-12T17:16:00.001+08:00

A BIG thank you for those who decided to link me up.